Why Should I Change (When It's All Their Fault)?

                                     

THE PROBLEM WITH OTHER PEOPLE

The problem with other people is that they are other people. They're not you. As such you can rarely solve issues with someone else by asking them to change. Occasionally you will find a person who cares enough to mind what they're doing to you, and has the strength and self-belief to be undiminished by the idea they're not perfect, but those are rare people indeed. The rest are not your tribe.

Why Don't People Care?

We're raised with the myth that we're going to have many people in our lives that will care deeply for us, our welfare, and our mental health. The reality I've discovered is that if you can count those people on the fingers of one hand you're very lucky.

Yes, there are some wonderful families out there, but stop and think about how many families you know where there are tensions, arguments, and sometimes outright war and not speaking to each other until hell freezes over, or later.

There are also amazing friends who get who you are and understand that you're going to make mistakes as a bona-fide human. They are the friends who will tell you what you've done openly and respectfully, explain why it bothers them, and together you come to an agreement to make the relationship work.

This type of friend will not discuss their issues with you, with anyone but you, or cut you out when you make mistakes without giving you a clue why.

Humans are afraid of speaking their own truth, and few have that strong inner sense of self that allows them to do so without being unkind and offensive. Meet one of these people and you'll have a wonderful, lasting, friendship. Just never let them go because you're entirely blessed.

Sadly though love is an emotion that humans can struggle with, particularly if we're asked to 'love' too many people. We can easily like and appreciate any number of people, but I'm sure you'll agree that the deep love that says you'd walk over hot coals with recently manicured toenails, is a rare beast indeed.

It isn't that people are unkind or bad, it's simply that we're raised with faulty expectations of what the world has to deliver to us. Learn to understand how special real love is, and when you have that in your life, and a world of hurt will go away, replaced by realistic expectations that not everyone you meet will love you, has to love you, nor do they need to love you. Nor do you need them to love you.

WHERE DOES THAT LEAVE US?

Often hurting far too badly over far too many people who in truth are just passing strangers with whom you have a brief connection. It's up to you to choose those strangers wisely, and not to try to fit them into your forever category when they don't fit. Most importantly:

To understand when YOU genuinely want to make them forever, instead of assuming that they should be.

It IS All About You

You must decide who you want in your life and why, how you wish to be treated, and be ready to draw the line if the treatment you're receiving doesn't match up to what you believe you deserve.

If this is to be successful you will need to be scrupulously honest with yourself as to how you feel about the people you mix with. Feeling that you should like them when in fact they make you uncomfortable is never going to work. This is all based on the 'if they changed/if only they were different' fallacy.

If you don't like them as they are then you shouldn't ask them to change. Who has that right?

Of course as friends and couples we can grow together in understanding, and we should moderate our behaviour to support each other, that's a given. But if from the outset you're finding more minuses than pluses, or find you're nitpicking their every word, move, habit, decision, then you don't like them enough to have them in your life.

That's not wrong, it's just the way it is. Attach no blame to either of you and go and find people who don't make you scream out for change, even if you don't understand them 100% of the time. I don't understand me 100% of the time, do you?

This is the 'only human' clause in operation, and that boils down to one big thing that we need to exercise in life (apart from our abs and glutes)...

Personal Responsibility

You are literally the only person in your life. Everyone else is peripheral to you. The only person who can make the changes you need to make so that you are happy is you. This is why it's all down to you and always will be.

Not because you're bad. Not because you're unlovable. Not because you're too picky. Possibly because you're not sufficiently picky. It's down to you because only you can set the tone of your life, the nature of your life, how you want to feel about yourself and your life, and only you have the power to be effective in the protection, nurturing, and development of you.

Of course we're all frightened of being lonely if we can't find people to like and love us, but anyone who has been hurt will tell you that a relationship that hurts you is far more dangerous. This is partly because it fills the space the 'right' people should be taking up, and in trying to make the 'wrong' right, we're wasting our energy to go out and find the right people.

THE WHY IS

Because you'll be miserable if you keep giving the power for your happiness away to others, and you will be happy if you learn to be discerning without judgement.

Three tips:

• Respect how you feel even if you don't understand it.
• Don't get into wrong and right. You wouldn't feel guilty and buy a car you aren't comfortable in, so be equally guilt-free in only embracing relationships that work for you.
• It's fairer to everyone concerned if you're ruthlessly honest with yourself about your feelings, and fairer to you if you consider yourself worth protecting, and respecting.

FINALLY

Don't fall for the myths that you must have a huge circle of people who love and like you in order to be a great human being. A few genuine, trusted, people who love you will do just as well.

Apart from that just enjoy meeting others without having an agenda. This is life, not social media, only collect real likes!

To your happiness, if you're smiling more than you frown you're getting something right.

Deb Hawken Writer - Spiritual Mentor - Public Speaker

If you're interested in joining one of my spiritual development groups, or need a reading or advice, contact details are below.

You can find my book on Amazon - Who am I, Where am I, What is this Place?: A handbook for permanent, positive, change.

Tel: +44 (0)7912 374 226 E-mail: transform@debhawken.com Website: http://www.debhawken.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/10544804

The Cybernetic Nature Of Reality And Achievement

                                     

There is nothing to do but "Live quietly in the moment and see the beauty of all before you. The future will take care of itself." Why do I start with that Paramahansa Yogananda quote with my own preamble? There is this reason: The best we can do is stay calm and take actions at right times. The worst we can do is just plain panic and try to "save face" or correct 'wrongs'. As I write this article on the genuinely flight plan like nature of worthwhile achievement, I think to myself about all of my past failures, successes, lies, truths and all that came before and what will come after in my existence. I take a calm, objective and responsible controlled approach to it all, also.

When it comes down to the cybernetic reality of achievement, it is mostly temporary failures, constant adjustments, full understanding of what to genuinely do then the successful achievement or achievements that get you over all the work.

Indeed, rewards are the smallest part of success.

The largest part of success is work, climbing, achieving and doing. Honestly, ease only comes to the ideal cheater, and there is not any such thing in existence, all of it.

So, to the cheater: If you think you got away with it, look in the mirror, you did not get away with it. If you got caught, the most rational thing you can do is make adjustments in thinking and genuinely achieve something great without looking for irrational easy ways out of work.

The only "miracle cure" that causes achievement is activated attention and conscious suffering toward the goals you have. Let me explain, every genuine and rational goal is like a flight plan that needs constant adjustment, attention and work that takes a genuine sense of responsibility to achieve the destination, goal, or objective. The subjective measurement for this achievement is this: Am I (or you) honestly doing what it takes to achieve what I (or you) need to achieve on my (or your) own terms, or am I doing ultimate cheating to myself looking for "short cuts", easy ways out or ways not to work right.

Think about it, this is the skeleton key to Wallace DeLois Wattles "The Science of Getting Rich", "The Science of Being Well", and "The Science of Being Great" all condensed into the paragraph before this one, for The Certain Way he writes about is not a miracle cure or panacea, it is an invitation to genuinely work right and in the right ways that create achievement in reality now.

My name is Joshua Clayton, I am a freelance writer based in Inglewood, California. I also write under a few pen-names and aliases, but Joshua Clayton is my real name, and I write by that for the most part now. I am a philosophical writer and objective thinker and honest action taker. I also work at a senior center in Gardena, California as my day job, among other things, but primarily I am a writer.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/10501596

The Best Actions Are Thought Out The Best

                                     

Life and existence are not all for nothing. Like the best plans and actions that are worked out ideally, the better you plan, the more patient you are in it, and the more realistic you are. The better the results always are. Indeed, without patience, planning, repeatable success and realistic thinking, you had better think about permanent failure being an option. For, success, realistically, that is repeatable without depending on luck requires the skill of patience, planning, and realistic thinking at the very least. All avenues of failure explored in a Thomas Edison "fail ten thousand times at creating the light bulb" type way at the very most. For the worst actions are poorly thought out, and done without preparations depending purely on luck without the patience to fail forward to permanent success.

In this vein, I think of the child who stomped on the seed to make it grow quicker into a plant instead of watering, feeding and cultivating the plant.

Impatience with results never works, patience, understanding and tolerance always works like watering, feeding, cultivating and giving time to do the work in reality.

Listen, I would rather consistently fail, know all the things that would fail, and then genuinely succeed knowing all the downfall points, failure triggers and "pot holes" than to succeed once through luck and know nothing about how to genuinely repeat the success.

The best actions and results are thought out the best without question. This in a reality is what I am taking all of these paragraphs to spell out. Success to be repeatable, needs a realistic and full understanding of where failure happens, and that happens in not any other way than practicing then succeeding.

Face it, "normal people" want "something for nothing" as evidenced by all the money spent on national and state lottery tickets. But, it is the "abnormal person" willing to do the work that is really special although that "special status" is genuinely hard earned and worked for with trial, error, and willing to put in the time, effort and understanding to repeatedly succeed. It is those few that are the real "one percent", and the "normal people" that are that "ninety nine percent" that depend on luck and fortune that is not repeatable or realistically inclined.

Do we not all wish? Even if we are genuinely willing work hard, do we not all wish? Usually to get past "wishing", we must give backing. That, right there, is my point also. Depend on fortune, get something that usually cannot be repeated. Depend on effort and understanding, and repeat genuinely. That is the bottom line in reality and the key choice of existence.

My name is Joshua Clayton, I am a freelance writer based in Inglewood, California. I also write under a few pen-names and aliases, but Joshua Clayton is my real name, and I write by that for the most part now. I am a philosophical writer and objective thinker and honest action taker. I also work at a senior center in Gardena, California as my day job, among other things, but primarily I am a writer.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/10519218

Creative Sparks

                                     

During your journey through life you will have many sparks that will ignite your creativity, goals, and dreams. A spark sets it in motion. It is that willingness to start something without knowing how it will turn out. When others are " jealous" of your work or creativity, it should be taken as a form of flattery.

Most people depend upon someone or something outside of themselves to ignite their fire.

Your passions, your personal gifts are planted within you by God. It is up to you to grow them.

What are the 3 elements of fire?

1) Fuel - If there is nothing to burn, nothing will burn. Your "fuel" is made up of what you are focusing on. What do you read, watch, and listen to? Does it empower or enslave you? Be conscious about what you pour into your body and mind.

2) Oxygen - This is the essential bond that creates the environment so fire can continue to burn. Your oxygen is the people you surround yourself with. Be aware of who they are and whether or not they build you up or tear you down. Prune accordingly.

3) Ignition - A beautiful car will remain parked unless there is a spark that turns the engine. Your ignition is usually fueled by wonder and a willingness to try something new, or to take an area of your life to another level. How bad do you want something? What are you willing to do for your health, your life, your economics, etc.?

I had my "first spark" at 8 years old. I was at a summer reading camp. During the 15 minute recess between classes, I decided there was just enough time to climb the beautiful 9 foot tree by the girls dorm. I climbed hand over hand pushing up each inch with my tennis shoes until reaching the top of the tree landing my right leg on a rusty nail attached to a board.

As I came down my right leg ripped down and the blood flowed down the tree like sap. Nick, a counselor, saw what was happening and raced to the tree and said, "Do you want to lose your leg?

"I shook my head No!"

He scooped me up in his arms, called another counselor to call my parents and have them meet us at the hospital!

In my mind I see my Momma getting into our car, driving the 3 1/2 hours to the hospital in Charlottesville, Virginia. As she is driving she says to herself, "I have to get her out of the trees before she kills herself!"

By the time Momma arrived at the hospital, she had a plan!

When she arrived, she saw me sitting there with over 25 stitches down my right leg. Momma leaned over me and gave me a ferocious hug. She looked into my brown eyes with her beautiful blue eyes and said, "Madeline, if I buy you a violin and get you lessons will you promise to never climb another tree?"

I looked into my Momma bright blue eyes and promised to never climb another tree if she brought me a violin and got me lessons."

For many years I had wanted to play the violin and this was my opportunity. It all started with the 1st spark, landing on a rusty nail. That rusty nail saved my life and was the first spark of my journey.

What was your first spark, the catalyst, of your journey?

My second spark!

When summer camp ended, Momma came to pick me up with my new small violin and bow sitting on the back window in its case. The next day, Momma took me to see my violin teacher, a handsome, smiling young man, Mr. William Whitson, a violinist and military officer.

He taught me how to hold the violin and bow, where to place my fingers on the string, and how to make a sound on the instrument by pulling the bow across the strings. He did this by modeling how to play for me and then having me try it.

He also taught me how to read the notes on the musical page which is parallel to reading a book and taught me at my first violin lesson to play the theme of Beethoven's 9th Symphony, Ode to Joy.

Third spark:

After my first violin lesson with Mr. Whitson, I asked my Momma to take me to the public library so I could borrow a book on Beethoven to read all about him. That day was the beginning of my enjoyment with reading.

Mr. Whitson's encouragement was the spark, the 2nd catalyst, fuel that kept me going during my moments of frustration.

Many years later at 17, I had the honor of playing at the world-famous Carnegie Hall. That journey would never have been possible without the investment my mentor made in me.

What are some examples in your life that changed the trajectory of your life?

What first sparked Charles Dickens creativity?

Dickens said, "One person fired up my imagination and gave me the tools to be a writer." At the age of 3, Charles was so full of energy that he never wanted to go to sleep. His mother had a maid named Mary Weller who worked for 3 meals a day and a warm place to sleep in front of the stove. She did not clean the house. Her job was to "find a way to keep Dickens in bed at night. She told the best blood and guts tale of terror horror stories." She knew 125 stories but Dickens favorite story was "Captain Murderer" and he asked for this story all the time. (Engels, E. (1997). Dickens for Kids. North Carolina: Authors Ink. )

What was his second spark?

At 11 years of age, the debtor's police hauled Charles' father off to Debtors Prison in front of Charles. He said, "I shall never be poor again." His mother and brothers were sent to Marshalsea Prison and during this time Charles was sent to work at Warren's Blacking Factory for ten hours a day. He had to wear five pairs of socks, while working at the factory, so he would have some protection from the rats that bit through his socks at the factory. His traumatic experiences, feelings of alienation and betrayal are themes of his books "David Copperfield" and "Great Expectations". (Claire Tomalin, "Charles Dickens".)

These two sparks were the catalysts for Charles Dickens future of writing books to bring about social change from poverty, child labor, and work houses. Dickens changed the world through his writing.

What sparked Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson?

"In 1995 I had $7 bucks in my pocket and I knew two things: I'm broke... and one day I won't be." He decided to relentlessly pursue his definition of success. First in the wrestling world, then later in movies.

Do you remember that first spark that set you on your journey?

Through your journey there will be many sparks to get you moving!

How can you help set a spark in others, a fire within them, to take action and take that first step?

How can you be a spark, a catalyst for change for someone else?

Mahatma Gandhi said, "Be the change that you wish to see in the world."

Who will you help to change?

Sparks are the catalyst for change!

1) Write down your first, second, and three "sparks" that changed your life's direction.

2) Like Charles Dickens was there a person or place that sparked your creativity to take action for your future?

3) How can you activate a spark in someone else's life to make them take action?

Madeline Frank, Ph.D., is an Amazon.com Best Selling Author, speaker, business owner, teacher, concert artist, and parent. She helps businesses and organizations "Tune Up their Business". Her observations show you the blue prints necessary to improve and keep your business successful. Her latest book "Leadership On A Shoestring Budget" is available everywhere books are sold. If you need a virtual speaker contact Madeline at: mfrankviola@gmail.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/10444378