The Target To Be Hit

                                         

In life (and beyond it), we all have a purpose to achieve, and it motivates us from deep. That purpose is genuine, raw survival. However we sweeten the reality of it, however we may deny that is all there is, however the justifications may come: That is it.

When I think about survival and reality, they are the only laws "above God almighty themselves". The fantasy is that "the bearded man in the sky is going to save us without earning a thing" or "the lady of the lake will deliver Excalibur magically without any effort". I am here to say, sorry, the easy elevator to a great reality is broken, but the stairs to it are always there.

So, in existence we all have a target to hit, and that target and purpose is survival. The bow, arrow, gun, weapon or projectile is the way we use reality itself. So, think and think deeply about this, you miss one hundred percent of the shots you do not take at all. Sure, you miss and hit sometimes when you take shots, but when you do not risk taking the shot, you miss fully and totally.

So, the goal we all want to achieve is desirable survival.

So, here is undesirable survival defined: When a person has to cheat, steal, murder, trick, maim, destroy in seemingly unnecessary ways just to survive. That is undesirable survival. Even the worst of us at a very deep level does not want to survive like that, although deep conscious needs to get it right genuinely can be ultimately overwhelmed by deeply placed suggestions that "the wrong way is more desirable than doing it the right way". (This is the societal phenomenon known as negative sublimation, look it up in any DSM/Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders or any online search engine encyclopedia) Indeed, though, there are good ways to go and bad ways to go, and when bad ways look better than right ways, all that is happening is wrong suggestions to yourself that automatically miss the mark if followed and the mark is desirable survival, that is it.

Good is a state of being, and bad is a state of being. Good is a reality of self-benefit and desirable survival. Bad is everything undesirable, however justified. There are not any gray areas in my thinking about this fact, nor are there doubts. We all get what we give,

My name is Joshua Clayton, I am a freelance writer based in Inglewood, California. I also write under a few pen-names and aliases, but Joshua Clayton is my real name, and I write by that for the most part now. I am a philosophical writer and objective thinker and honest action taker. I also work at a senior center in Gardena, California as my day job, among other things, but primarily I am a writer.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/10553732

What Other's Don't Know About You - Yet!

                                     

Good morning!

You are a beautiful and amazing person and you have value!

Do you know what that means? That means that you yourself have a unique ability to impact the world in a way that no one else can. There is something about you that no one else has and I want to talk to you about that for just for a minute okay.You need to understand that you yourself - you alone possess what is uniquely you. There is nobody else that can be you no matter how hard they try. It is impossible for them to be you!

In the same regard, it's impossible for you to be somebody else. So don't try to compare yourself to another person. Don't compare yourself to their results, to their path, to their journey... it's irrelevant. The only thing that is relevant is "What is your journey? How are you going to take the steps necessary on a consistent regular basis to get you where you need to go?"

Your outcomes are your outcomes alone your no one else's. No one else can achieve them. No one else can appreciate them and no one else will value them the way that you value them.So go after them 100% with your whole heart. Take hold of them ahead of time. What I mean by that is you to reach out into your future and grab hold of the emotional state that you're going to enjoy when you have attained your outcomes. Hold that feeling on the inside because when it becomes real - it becomes attainable, and if it's attainable it's yours so today!

Remember that you have immense value.

There is unlimited potential within you.

There is nothing outside of you that can hold you back once you set your course to your outcome.

Author and speaker, Chad Nedland, has been sharing his knowledge and insights for over 26 years. Teaching of the fullness of life is his life's definite purpose.

His greatest passion is encouraging and challenging others to walk in the fullness of their calling and identity. His goal is to never have a conversation or interaction with someone that does not challenge something within them to become better than they were yesterday..

Learn more at chadnedland.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/10537491

The Power of Choice: Success Starts Now

                                         

For you to start living the life you desire, get into the habit of planning your day the night before - yet always allow room for the unexpected.

Plan tomorrow tonight. That's the first step of the power of choice.

Daily planning and organising your days are critical in developing your successful life.

Some results may seem slow to surface at first, perhaps they may even be unrecognisable to you, but rest assured as you continue to take action the success you have a burning desire for will be yours.

On your great expedition to success, you will come across some things that you will enjoy, some you will see as fun, interesting or entertaining. That's part of the learning process to success.

However, there will be some things that you won't enjoy or even want to do; your inner voice - the voice who is scared of change and progress - will try to stop you. You will have to be stronger than that: thank your inner voice and strive on.

Jim Rohn, a highly respected motivational speaker, once said, "You can't hire someone else to do your push-ups for you." You are going to have to do it.

It's totally up to you now! Just do it, commit to your present and future. You owe it to yourself to do, be, have and become all that you want.

"The obstacles you face are mental barriers that can be broken by adopting a more positive approach." Clarence Blasier

What is the power of choice?

How can you live the life that may exceed your expectations? Is it by choice? Can you choose to live the life you want and live it?

Absolutely!

How do you want your world to be?

Picture it. Imagine it. Dream it. Napoleon Hill's famous quote reads: What the mind can conceive and believe, the mind can achieve.

If you can conceive your dream, and if you believe in your dream and you believe in your ability to achieve that dream, it's as good as done.

You can have it all if you really want to.

The question is: Do you want it?

How much do you want it?

Are you ready to do whatever it takes to have it?

It's your choice and only yours.

The power of choice - the choices you make will determine the life you live.

Every action has a result. Every choice has its consequences.

Look around you; everything you see, everything in your life at the moment is the result of the choices you have made in the past, and the choices you are currently making.

You always have a choice, whether you want it or not.

In the end it's up to you.

You are responsible for you. You are totally responsible for everything you create in your life, and that responsibility is reflected in the choices that you make.

Can you see what the power of choice can make on your life?

Life can be a wonderful opportunity, full of joy, happiness, wealth, and fulfilment, full of success in every area of your life; from your business or career, to your relationships, to your health, to your wealth - only if you choose it to be.

Again, we come full circle; back to the choices you make.

You always have a choice.

You can choose to stay tucked safely within your comfort zone and have your life remain the same, as it is now, or you can choose to venture out and take part in life, your life, and make it better.

Your choice.

You can choose the power of choice as the easy way out and remain where you are, or you can choose to step up and enjoy what life has to offer.

You're not reading this article because you are happy with the way your life is going, you are reading it because you want a better life, yet you don't know how to get it.

"To live is to choose. But to choose well, you must know who you are and what you stand for, where you want to go and why you want to get there." - Kofi Annan

Your success starts now.

You have made the choice that enough is enough.

It's time to move on and put forth some real, effective effort to live your life by choice, by design, the exact way you want to. You can now live your successful life as you want it to be.

Take action now so you can live your dream life

And since we are talking about the power of choice, choose not to allow your past to dictate your future; what is gone is gone.

Acknowledge it, learn from it and leave it behind. Move on. Do not dwell on it.

If you spill a drink at a bar, you wipe the spillage or have it wiped, learn not to elbow your drink and move on. Lesson learned. Leave the past behind.

Suppose you sit down now and write a simple plan for your life; for the next three months. Once done, have a look at the plan and begin to see the opportunities as they unfold around you.

You might see people or resources that can start you on the track to success.

You will begin to see people who can support you in your endeavours, you will be at the right place and at the right time, you can unexpectedly get that phone call that will lift your business up several steps.

"If we want to direct our lives, we must take control of our consistent actions. It's not what we do once in a while that shapes our lives, but what we do consistently." - Anthony Robbins

Your success has already started. No more excuses!

Practically all your daily actions are the choices that you make. If you choose to be a public speaker, the choices that you make will be geared towards becoming a public speaker.

You choose to attend Toastmaster classes, you choose to purchase products on the subject. You choose to affirm and visualise yourself as a public speaker.

Whether you choose to act or not act to realise your intention, your goal, is a matter of choice, a decision that you make.

An intention that is followed up with committed massive action can have the tremendous power to transform you and your life into something truly spectacular.

There are millions of people alive today who are living their dream lives. They decided to advance their life by setting intentions and utilising the power of choice by choosing to take consistent action to manifest them, one by one.

You, too, can be one of them, no matter how old or young you are.

Success knows no race, creed or sex. It only knows inspired action, commitment, passion, and persistence. You have the ability to create the life that you want and also enrich the world in the process.

Today is your day.

Today you are going to muster your courage to do what you've been aching to do.

From today you will make that unrelenting choice, the unquenchable thirst for setting intentions, the "I will never back down" decision to go forward in your life, to do whatever it takes to claim that success that is rightly yours.

There's no backing down. Today is your day to win!

Success is an expression of your mind. It is a representation of your inner thoughts and beliefs. If you want to change your life, you must change your thinking and your beliefs.

The quality of your life reflects the quality of your thoughts.

"To change who you are, change who you think you are." - Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Everything starts with an intention - a thought. It all starts in your mind. It all begins by knowing, accepting and understanding that there is another way. The direction that you are heading on now can be changed.

Success is a process that starts with your mind, setting a solid intention, and following it through with consistent massive action, determination and perseverance.

Successful people think about their goals most of the time. As a result, they are continually moving toward their goals and their goals are moving towards them.

No one is better than you and no one is smarter than you.

Everyone who is doing well was once doing poorly. Your life only gets better when you intend it to get better. And since there is no limit to how much better you can become, there is no limit to how much improvement you can make in your life.

Make the power of choice an integral part of your everyday life.

Your choice, your decision to become successful is the turning point in your life.

If you consistently and persistently do the things that other successful people do, there is nothing in the world that can stop you from becoming a big success yourself.

The power of choice may be a massive architect that will allow you to design your destiny, where you will be the master of your fate.

Remember, it is not enough to know about things. You need to practice them - you need to take consistent action.

Do not live life passively, as a spectator.

There is little value for you in doing this.

Be open to experimentation.

Be open to live life through the power of choice. Make the choices that will bring about the success that you desire.

Is your success worth having? Choose it. Name it. Claim it. And it can be yours. It is yours.

"Beyond plants are animals, Beyond animals is man, Beyond man is the universe. The Big Light, Let the Big Light in!" - Jean Toomer

Hani A Al-Qasem is a personal development educator who specialises in the life and success mindset.

Having devoted over 18 years to the study of human potential and personal development, he is committed to inspire, support and motivate people to create a better and more optimistic world for us all to live in.

You can download your copy of Wealth Attraction: How To Reprogram Your Mind For More Money FREE eBook where you can begin the automatic reprogramming of your brain for wealth, success, and abundance, in just six easy steps.

Go here: https://successispredictable.com/

Change your brain change your life - take charge of your life

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/10554380

Time For A New Tribe? When to Leave Outdated Alliances For a Truly Supportive Community

                                         

Do you feel as if you've outgrown your circle of friends? Perhaps you do not feel safe or understood any longer. There may be fewer and fewer things you can share with people in your habitual circle, and it leaves you feeling lonely or isolated. If so, you are not alone. Welcome to one of the core dynamics of continuous growth!

As we continue to evolve, many of us struggle with a sense of not quite fitting in with our traditional community or tribe: we may have expanded or changed beyond the borders of tribal norms, and no longer find the same sense of belonging there. Other members may have tightened the tribal rules to foster a sense of security. As a result, we may feel a sense of disconnection or alienation.

In truth, each one of us belongs to many tribes simultaneously: there is your original tribe - the family you were born into - and then there are all the communities of choice you have joined: your work tribe, your social circles, your faith-based community, your neighborhood, and more. These communities are not static; they are in continuous flux because they consist of individuals who are in continuous states of change. When there is a lot of change happening in either the individual or the community, a sense of dissonance results.

How are we to deal with this? First, it is important to recognize that tribal allegiances were historically forged for survival. They were adapted over the course of centuries to ensure the safety and survival of the group. Survival required that individuation be sacrificed for the trade-off of security.

In modern society, the tables are flipped. Whether we enjoy it or not, change is essential for survival at every level of being. The pace of change is driven by technological advances and happens with increasing rapidity: sociologists estimate that more change has taken place in society over the course of the past 100 years, than in the totality of the previous 6,000 years. Individual adaptation now is a requirement for survival, and the pace of individual change does not always match the pace at which our various tribal communities evolve. The resulting dissonance can cause intense friction and pain.

Dissonance also results from confusion between the concepts of 'connection' and 'community.' We tend to equate one with the other, when they really relate to different qualities. Connection relates to connectivity: the objective physical technology or media that enables us to build community, but which does not represent the quality of that community. Connectivity simply offers the opportunity to connect with others through internet, texting, phone calls, or any other social networking options.

Community is the result of building relationship through meaningful interaction over time. There is no shortcut; it is a process that develops when bonds of trust and intimacy are nurtured and honored.

And here lies a caveat: When we confuse connectivity with community, we depersonalize the sacred nature of true community and start relating to people as objects. Instead of developing intimacy over time, we collect friends on social network sites or try to buy people's allegiance. Yet friending is simply an act of connecting; it does not create intimacy.

In fact, social experiments indicate that technologically dominated connectivity results in alienation and social collapse over time. In a groundbreaking social experiment conducted by Josh Harris, one of the founders of social networking on the internet, he found that the more people's private lives were exposed by 24/7 technology, the more their sense of intimacy and relationship deteriorated until the community collapsed in violence and self-destructive behavior.

It is time to revisit our concepts of community so we can create tribes that offer a true sense of intimacy and belonging.

In his 1987 book, The Different Drum: Community Making and Peace, psychologist M. Scott Peck described several core characteristics of true community. Beyond the obvious components of inclusivity, commitment and participatory consensus, Peck pointed out the quality of embracing diversity through realism. When each member contributes their unique viewpoint from a place of humility and goodwill, the community benefits from a broader perspective in which to better grasp the full context of a situation. In other words, mutual tolerance helps members to embrace one another's different viewpoints as an integral part of the whole, instead of imposing a forced compliance to groupthink or cohesion.

In an environment like this, members experience and express compassion and respect for one another. They allow others to share their vulnerability, to learn and grow, and to express who they truly are. When conflict arises, they learn to resolve it with wisdom and grace. Members listen to and respect each others' gifts, accept each others' limitations, celebrate their differences, and commit to find solutions together rather than to fight against each other. Indeed, the true spirit of community is the spirit of peace, love, wisdom and power. The source of this spirit may be seen as an outgrowth of the collective self or as the manifestation of a Higher Will.

Does this description of community sound spiritual to you? It is indeed, because Spirit is the common denominator among all of us, regardless of how separate we feel from others.

As human beings, we often experience a socio-economic sense of separation from others because of different opinions, beliefs, expectations, language, culture, or interests, since each one of us expresses these in a way uniquely different from anyone else. And still, we continue to differentiate! In this ongoing process, we continue to evolve or devolve in response to life. A community that felt like a good fit last year may no longer work today; the places where we felt embraced, now may suffocate us. Over the course of a lifetime, we can expect to outgrow and change allegiances to many of the tribal communities we once belonged to.

And yet, when we transcend the layers of physical appearance, mental beliefs and socio-economic conditioning, we find in the presence of Spirit a common denominator in everyone around us. Perhaps it is time to expand our tribal definitions to embrace a spiritual community that includes all of mankind as children of God.

Mother Teresa admonished her nuns to see Jesus in every leper they encountered, to find His presence as they looked into the eyes of the homeless. When we can look past the issues that divide us to find omnipresent Divinity in each other, we will uncover the foundations of true community.

Spiritual community transcends all socio-economic borders, beliefs and backgrounds. It is inclusive because it operates on voluntary self-responsibility and mutual compassion, and its doors are open to everyone.

Building this type of community takes time: time to listen, to hear, to respond and to participate. Take a few moments to read the description of spiritual community again. Then, make time in your life to foster that type of connection with people who matter to you. You are one of the architects of community in your life, and you can participate in building a tribe where you belong.

Ada Porat is an energy kinesiologist & pastoral counselor with extensive international teaching & clinical experience. She uses body/mind/spirit techniques to help clients make optimal life choices. For more information, visit https://AdaPorat.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/10553744

Make Your Day and Get Out of Your Way!

                                         

Sometimes we need to get out of our own way and take a chance. However, fear of failure, of being laughed at, not liked, thought badly of, can prevent us from pushing ourselves into the unknown and stop us from gradually moving forward into developing new skills, abilities and life experiences.

It can lead us to resist offers to try out new places and things, to have a go or speak at an event, due to fear or concern at what might happen. We may second-guess ourselves, run a 'what if' narrative. Perhaps we're unsure as to what to say or do, are hesitant at risking looking ridiculous or apprehensive about being embarrassed.

But others also share those fears and concerns and it can inspire and encourage them to have a go when they see someone else taking a chance, refusing to get in their own way and not stress too much about the potential consequences.

Others are often appreciative and supportive of those who try, so why not instead decide to take a few positive steps, stop hi-jacking ourselves and enjoy the opportunity to move out of our comfort zone!

- Start small. By taking one step at a time, you gradually build up your confidence. If you have social anxiety, instead of agreeing to go for dinner at a buzzing, ultra-smart restaurant why not first get used to going out for coffees and lunches at busy times of the day? Choose positive ways to take things at your own pace, make your day and get out of your way!

- Get used to mixing with a variety of people and going out. If you've a meeting, interview or presentation, practice pulling together a few bullet points and rehearse in front of a mirror or with a small, supportive audience. Focus on the areas you feel unsure about.

- Be aware of how you talk to yourself. We're often our own worst critic, berating ourselves in ways we'd never dream of speaking to others. Instead, tell yourself that you can do it, it's worth it, that others are not as interested or invested in what you do as you are; all ways to help in moving past any initial doubts and hesitancy.

- Address areas that feel neglected, that are in need of a little help. Use this opportunity as the motivation to improve your appearance, your wardrobe, update your image, benefit your conversational skills or education. It might require a little effort, but that commitment will be repaid by enhancing your life and making you feel more invested in the quality of your day-to-day engagements.

- Keep up-to-date with local news and popular TV shows, so enabling you to find it relatively easy to join conversations and connect with others. Or ask people 'tame' questions about their holidays or how they spend their time; fairly safe approaches to starting conversations.

- Enlist the help of a supportive friend, family member, therapist, coach or mentor, someone who's on your side and will champion you along, sometimes applauding your efforts, sometimes giving you a nudge to keep going. Be open to that happening and appreciate constructive feedback and suggestions. It can be surprising to discover how differently others see us, compared to how we see ourselves.

- Nurture a curious, interested mindset by doing something new and challenging every day, so making you think and step out of your comfort zone. It may be simply travelling a different route to work, cooking something you've never tried before for dinner. Think about ways you can fire up a positive, interesting and engaged approach to life and relish where it takes you.

- Value opportunities to say 'yes' to invitations and try new experiences and relationships. Even agreeing to do things that may not initially appeal can lead to unexpected successes and adventures. And sometimes using 'no' can be positive too, if it stops you from becoming overwhelmed and exhausted.

When we get out of our own way, we stop thinking about how other people perceive us, or of ways to keep them happy. We move beyond looking for the easy options in life or justifying ways to not do things. Going with the flow allows us to live in the moment and be enthusiastic about having a go. When you get out of your way you can make your day!

Susan Leigh, Altrincham, Cheshire, South Manchester counsellor, hypnotherapist, relationship counsellor, writer & media contributor offers help with relationship issues, stress management, assertiveness and confidence. She works with individual clients, couples and provides corporate workshops and support.

She's author of 3 books, 'Dealing with Stress, Managing its Impact', '101 Days of Inspiration #tipoftheday' and 'Dealing with Death, Coping with the Pain', all on Amazon & with easy to read sections, tips and ideas to help you feel more positive about your life.

To order a copy or for more information, help and free articles visit http://www.lifestyletherapy.net

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/10498014

6 Important Steps Towards Creating A Beneficial Action Plan!

                                                 

After, over four decades, of involvement (personal and professional), in, nearly, everything, related to effectively leading, from identifying and qualifying, to training, developing, and consulting to thousands of actual, and/ or, potential leaders, I strongly believe, and counsel - others, nothing - of - consequence, is usually achieved, unless/ until, a well - considered, relevant, sustainable, meaningful, thorough, action plan, is created, and used, effectively! This process must begin, with, professionally - designed, meaningful, strategic planning, which examines, everything, including the individual group's heritage, history, mission, demographics, financial health/ well - being, present circumstances, strengths, and weaknesses, as well as its leadership, and their fitness, to - lead! With, that in mind, this article will attempt to, briefly, consider, examine, review, and discuss, 6 important steps, towards creating a truly, meaningful action plan.

1. Thorough strategic planning: There is, almost, always, a direct relationship, between the quality, relevance, and thoroughness of the organization's strategic planning, and the successful creation, and implementation of the finest - possible, action plan! It is essential to know, and understand, thoroughly, what is needed, and necessary, and the options and alternatives, to create a quality, effective strategy, and, only, when this is done, will a viable, effective action plan, be perceived and conceived of, created, and effectively, implemented!

2. Always consider ramifications and contingencies: It is important to understand, and realize, there are, usually, ramifications of any actions taken, as well as when one resorts to procrastination! Wise leadership requires a thorough consideration of these, and preparing, in - advance, contingency planning, which can be, seamlessly, used!

3. Options and alternatives: Since, there are often, a variety of options and alternatives, choosing wisely, must be, incumbent - upon, a true leader! Consider as many aspects, as possible, with an open - mind!

4. Goals; priorities; perceptions; needs: What are the best goals, and true priorities, of your specific organization, at - present, and into - the - future, and why? How might you effectively, address constituent's perceptions, and actual needs, in a way, which brings - about, a meeting - of - the - minds, for the greater good?

5. Relevant and sustainable, instead of populist, etc: Too often, leaders are elected, based on populist, empty promises, and rhetoric, when, what is most - needed, is, thorough, relevant, and sustainable planning, and meaningful actions, taken, in a well - considered, timely manner, and using time - tested expertise, etc.

6. Timeline, with, Table of Responsibilities: Once, the best strategic planning, is thoroughly, performed, and you know, what you seek, an essential aspect of the action plan, must be, having a timeline, to examine and consider, using - metrics, what is going, as - planned, and what, needs to be tweaked! A great leader develops an inner circle of trusted advisors, and part of the planning, must be, having a table of responsibilities, with each area, led, by the right individuals, etc.

If you hope to lead, wisely, using these 6 important steps, towards creating a meaningful, action plan, is essential! Are you, up to the tasks and responsibilities?

Richard has owned businesses, been a COO, CEO, Director of Development, consultant, professionally run events, consulted to thousands of leaders, and conducted personal development seminars, for 4 decades. Rich has written three books and thousands of articles. His company, PLAN2LEAD, LLC has an informative website http://plan2lead.net and Plan2lead can also be followed on Facebook http://facebook.com/Plan2lead

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/10552605

Why Should I Change (When It's All Their Fault)?

                                         

THE PROBLEM WITH OTHER PEOPLE

The problem with other people is that they are other people. They're not you. As such you can rarely solve issues with someone else by asking them to change. Occasionally you will find a person who cares enough to mind what they're doing to you, and has the strength and self-belief to be undiminished by the idea they're not perfect, but those are rare people indeed. The rest are not your tribe.

Why Don't People Care?

We're raised with the myth that we're going to have many people in our lives that will care deeply for us, our welfare, and our mental health. The reality I've discovered is that if you can count those people on the fingers of one hand you're very lucky.

Yes, there are some wonderful families out there, but stop and think about how many families you know where there are tensions, arguments, and sometimes outright war and not speaking to each other until hell freezes over, or later.

There are also amazing friends who get who you are and understand that you're going to make mistakes as a bona-fide human. They are the friends who will tell you what you've done openly and respectfully, explain why it bothers them, and together you come to an agreement to make the relationship work.

This type of friend will not discuss their issues with you, with anyone but you, or cut you out when you make mistakes without giving you a clue why.

Humans are afraid of speaking their own truth, and few have that strong inner sense of self that allows them to do so without being unkind and offensive. Meet one of these people and you'll have a wonderful, lasting, friendship. Just never let them go because you're entirely blessed.

Sadly though love is an emotion that humans can struggle with, particularly if we're asked to 'love' too many people. We can easily like and appreciate any number of people, but I'm sure you'll agree that the deep love that says you'd walk over hot coals with recently manicured toenails, is a rare beast indeed.

It isn't that people are unkind or bad, it's simply that we're raised with faulty expectations of what the world has to deliver to us. Learn to understand how special real love is, and when you have that in your life, and a world of hurt will go away, replaced by realistic expectations that not everyone you meet will love you, has to love you, nor do they need to love you. Nor do you need them to love you.

WHERE DOES THAT LEAVE US?

Often hurting far too badly over far too many people who in truth are just passing strangers with whom you have a brief connection. It's up to you to choose those strangers wisely, and not to try to fit them into your forever category when they don't fit. Most importantly:

To understand when YOU genuinely want to make them forever, instead of assuming that they should be.

It IS All About You

You must decide who you want in your life and why, how you wish to be treated, and be ready to draw the line if the treatment you're receiving doesn't match up to what you believe you deserve.

If this is to be successful you will need to be scrupulously honest with yourself as to how you feel about the people you mix with. Feeling that you should like them when in fact they make you uncomfortable is never going to work. This is all based on the 'if they changed/if only they were different' fallacy.

If you don't like them as they are then you shouldn't ask them to change. Who has that right?

Of course as friends and couples we can grow together in understanding, and we should moderate our behaviour to support each other, that's a given. But if from the outset you're finding more minuses than pluses, or find you're nitpicking their every word, move, habit, decision, then you don't like them enough to have them in your life.

That's not wrong, it's just the way it is. Attach no blame to either of you and go and find people who don't make you scream out for change, even if you don't understand them 100% of the time. I don't understand me 100% of the time, do you?

This is the 'only human' clause in operation, and that boils down to one big thing that we need to exercise in life (apart from our abs and glutes)...

Personal Responsibility

You are literally the only person in your life. Everyone else is peripheral to you. The only person who can make the changes you need to make so that you are happy is you. This is why it's all down to you and always will be.

Not because you're bad. Not because you're unlovable. Not because you're too picky. Possibly because you're not sufficiently picky. It's down to you because only you can set the tone of your life, the nature of your life, how you want to feel about yourself and your life, and only you have the power to be effective in the protection, nurturing, and development of you.

Of course we're all frightened of being lonely if we can't find people to like and love us, but anyone who has been hurt will tell you that a relationship that hurts you is far more dangerous. This is partly because it fills the space the 'right' people should be taking up, and in trying to make the 'wrong' right, we're wasting our energy to go out and find the right people.

THE WHY IS

Because you'll be miserable if you keep giving the power for your happiness away to others, and you will be happy if you learn to be discerning without judgement.

Three tips:

• Respect how you feel even if you don't understand it.
• Don't get into wrong and right. You wouldn't feel guilty and buy a car you aren't comfortable in, so be equally guilt-free in only embracing relationships that work for you.
• It's fairer to everyone concerned if you're ruthlessly honest with yourself about your feelings, and fairer to you if you consider yourself worth protecting, and respecting.

FINALLY

Don't fall for the myths that you must have a huge circle of people who love and like you in order to be a great human being. A few genuine, trusted, people who love you will do just as well.

Apart from that just enjoy meeting others without having an agenda. This is life, not social media, only collect real likes!

To your happiness, if you're smiling more than you frown you're getting something right.

Deb Hawken Writer - Spiritual Mentor - Public Speaker

If you're interested in joining one of my spiritual development groups, or need a reading or advice, contact details are below.

You can find my book on Amazon - Who am I, Where am I, What is this Place?: A handbook for permanent, positive, change.

Tel: +44 (0)7912 374 226 E-mail: transform@debhawken.com Website: http://www.debhawken.com

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