Time For A New Tribe? When to Leave Outdated Alliances For a Truly Supportive Community

                                         

Do you feel as if you've outgrown your circle of friends? Perhaps you do not feel safe or understood any longer. There may be fewer and fewer things you can share with people in your habitual circle, and it leaves you feeling lonely or isolated. If so, you are not alone. Welcome to one of the core dynamics of continuous growth!

As we continue to evolve, many of us struggle with a sense of not quite fitting in with our traditional community or tribe: we may have expanded or changed beyond the borders of tribal norms, and no longer find the same sense of belonging there. Other members may have tightened the tribal rules to foster a sense of security. As a result, we may feel a sense of disconnection or alienation.

In truth, each one of us belongs to many tribes simultaneously: there is your original tribe - the family you were born into - and then there are all the communities of choice you have joined: your work tribe, your social circles, your faith-based community, your neighborhood, and more. These communities are not static; they are in continuous flux because they consist of individuals who are in continuous states of change. When there is a lot of change happening in either the individual or the community, a sense of dissonance results.

How are we to deal with this? First, it is important to recognize that tribal allegiances were historically forged for survival. They were adapted over the course of centuries to ensure the safety and survival of the group. Survival required that individuation be sacrificed for the trade-off of security.

In modern society, the tables are flipped. Whether we enjoy it or not, change is essential for survival at every level of being. The pace of change is driven by technological advances and happens with increasing rapidity: sociologists estimate that more change has taken place in society over the course of the past 100 years, than in the totality of the previous 6,000 years. Individual adaptation now is a requirement for survival, and the pace of individual change does not always match the pace at which our various tribal communities evolve. The resulting dissonance can cause intense friction and pain.

Dissonance also results from confusion between the concepts of 'connection' and 'community.' We tend to equate one with the other, when they really relate to different qualities. Connection relates to connectivity: the objective physical technology or media that enables us to build community, but which does not represent the quality of that community. Connectivity simply offers the opportunity to connect with others through internet, texting, phone calls, or any other social networking options.

Community is the result of building relationship through meaningful interaction over time. There is no shortcut; it is a process that develops when bonds of trust and intimacy are nurtured and honored.

And here lies a caveat: When we confuse connectivity with community, we depersonalize the sacred nature of true community and start relating to people as objects. Instead of developing intimacy over time, we collect friends on social network sites or try to buy people's allegiance. Yet friending is simply an act of connecting; it does not create intimacy.

In fact, social experiments indicate that technologically dominated connectivity results in alienation and social collapse over time. In a groundbreaking social experiment conducted by Josh Harris, one of the founders of social networking on the internet, he found that the more people's private lives were exposed by 24/7 technology, the more their sense of intimacy and relationship deteriorated until the community collapsed in violence and self-destructive behavior.

It is time to revisit our concepts of community so we can create tribes that offer a true sense of intimacy and belonging.

In his 1987 book, The Different Drum: Community Making and Peace, psychologist M. Scott Peck described several core characteristics of true community. Beyond the obvious components of inclusivity, commitment and participatory consensus, Peck pointed out the quality of embracing diversity through realism. When each member contributes their unique viewpoint from a place of humility and goodwill, the community benefits from a broader perspective in which to better grasp the full context of a situation. In other words, mutual tolerance helps members to embrace one another's different viewpoints as an integral part of the whole, instead of imposing a forced compliance to groupthink or cohesion.

In an environment like this, members experience and express compassion and respect for one another. They allow others to share their vulnerability, to learn and grow, and to express who they truly are. When conflict arises, they learn to resolve it with wisdom and grace. Members listen to and respect each others' gifts, accept each others' limitations, celebrate their differences, and commit to find solutions together rather than to fight against each other. Indeed, the true spirit of community is the spirit of peace, love, wisdom and power. The source of this spirit may be seen as an outgrowth of the collective self or as the manifestation of a Higher Will.

Does this description of community sound spiritual to you? It is indeed, because Spirit is the common denominator among all of us, regardless of how separate we feel from others.

As human beings, we often experience a socio-economic sense of separation from others because of different opinions, beliefs, expectations, language, culture, or interests, since each one of us expresses these in a way uniquely different from anyone else. And still, we continue to differentiate! In this ongoing process, we continue to evolve or devolve in response to life. A community that felt like a good fit last year may no longer work today; the places where we felt embraced, now may suffocate us. Over the course of a lifetime, we can expect to outgrow and change allegiances to many of the tribal communities we once belonged to.

And yet, when we transcend the layers of physical appearance, mental beliefs and socio-economic conditioning, we find in the presence of Spirit a common denominator in everyone around us. Perhaps it is time to expand our tribal definitions to embrace a spiritual community that includes all of mankind as children of God.

Mother Teresa admonished her nuns to see Jesus in every leper they encountered, to find His presence as they looked into the eyes of the homeless. When we can look past the issues that divide us to find omnipresent Divinity in each other, we will uncover the foundations of true community.

Spiritual community transcends all socio-economic borders, beliefs and backgrounds. It is inclusive because it operates on voluntary self-responsibility and mutual compassion, and its doors are open to everyone.

Building this type of community takes time: time to listen, to hear, to respond and to participate. Take a few moments to read the description of spiritual community again. Then, make time in your life to foster that type of connection with people who matter to you. You are one of the architects of community in your life, and you can participate in building a tribe where you belong.

Ada Porat is an energy kinesiologist & pastoral counselor with extensive international teaching & clinical experience. She uses body/mind/spirit techniques to help clients make optimal life choices. For more information, visit https://AdaPorat.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/10553744

Make Your Day and Get Out of Your Way!

                                         

Sometimes we need to get out of our own way and take a chance. However, fear of failure, of being laughed at, not liked, thought badly of, can prevent us from pushing ourselves into the unknown and stop us from gradually moving forward into developing new skills, abilities and life experiences.

It can lead us to resist offers to try out new places and things, to have a go or speak at an event, due to fear or concern at what might happen. We may second-guess ourselves, run a 'what if' narrative. Perhaps we're unsure as to what to say or do, are hesitant at risking looking ridiculous or apprehensive about being embarrassed.

But others also share those fears and concerns and it can inspire and encourage them to have a go when they see someone else taking a chance, refusing to get in their own way and not stress too much about the potential consequences.

Others are often appreciative and supportive of those who try, so why not instead decide to take a few positive steps, stop hi-jacking ourselves and enjoy the opportunity to move out of our comfort zone!

- Start small. By taking one step at a time, you gradually build up your confidence. If you have social anxiety, instead of agreeing to go for dinner at a buzzing, ultra-smart restaurant why not first get used to going out for coffees and lunches at busy times of the day? Choose positive ways to take things at your own pace, make your day and get out of your way!

- Get used to mixing with a variety of people and going out. If you've a meeting, interview or presentation, practice pulling together a few bullet points and rehearse in front of a mirror or with a small, supportive audience. Focus on the areas you feel unsure about.

- Be aware of how you talk to yourself. We're often our own worst critic, berating ourselves in ways we'd never dream of speaking to others. Instead, tell yourself that you can do it, it's worth it, that others are not as interested or invested in what you do as you are; all ways to help in moving past any initial doubts and hesitancy.

- Address areas that feel neglected, that are in need of a little help. Use this opportunity as the motivation to improve your appearance, your wardrobe, update your image, benefit your conversational skills or education. It might require a little effort, but that commitment will be repaid by enhancing your life and making you feel more invested in the quality of your day-to-day engagements.

- Keep up-to-date with local news and popular TV shows, so enabling you to find it relatively easy to join conversations and connect with others. Or ask people 'tame' questions about their holidays or how they spend their time; fairly safe approaches to starting conversations.

- Enlist the help of a supportive friend, family member, therapist, coach or mentor, someone who's on your side and will champion you along, sometimes applauding your efforts, sometimes giving you a nudge to keep going. Be open to that happening and appreciate constructive feedback and suggestions. It can be surprising to discover how differently others see us, compared to how we see ourselves.

- Nurture a curious, interested mindset by doing something new and challenging every day, so making you think and step out of your comfort zone. It may be simply travelling a different route to work, cooking something you've never tried before for dinner. Think about ways you can fire up a positive, interesting and engaged approach to life and relish where it takes you.

- Value opportunities to say 'yes' to invitations and try new experiences and relationships. Even agreeing to do things that may not initially appeal can lead to unexpected successes and adventures. And sometimes using 'no' can be positive too, if it stops you from becoming overwhelmed and exhausted.

When we get out of our own way, we stop thinking about how other people perceive us, or of ways to keep them happy. We move beyond looking for the easy options in life or justifying ways to not do things. Going with the flow allows us to live in the moment and be enthusiastic about having a go. When you get out of your way you can make your day!

Susan Leigh, Altrincham, Cheshire, South Manchester counsellor, hypnotherapist, relationship counsellor, writer & media contributor offers help with relationship issues, stress management, assertiveness and confidence. She works with individual clients, couples and provides corporate workshops and support.

She's author of 3 books, 'Dealing with Stress, Managing its Impact', '101 Days of Inspiration #tipoftheday' and 'Dealing with Death, Coping with the Pain', all on Amazon & with easy to read sections, tips and ideas to help you feel more positive about your life.

To order a copy or for more information, help and free articles visit http://www.lifestyletherapy.net

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/10498014

6 Important Steps Towards Creating A Beneficial Action Plan!

                                                 

After, over four decades, of involvement (personal and professional), in, nearly, everything, related to effectively leading, from identifying and qualifying, to training, developing, and consulting to thousands of actual, and/ or, potential leaders, I strongly believe, and counsel - others, nothing - of - consequence, is usually achieved, unless/ until, a well - considered, relevant, sustainable, meaningful, thorough, action plan, is created, and used, effectively! This process must begin, with, professionally - designed, meaningful, strategic planning, which examines, everything, including the individual group's heritage, history, mission, demographics, financial health/ well - being, present circumstances, strengths, and weaknesses, as well as its leadership, and their fitness, to - lead! With, that in mind, this article will attempt to, briefly, consider, examine, review, and discuss, 6 important steps, towards creating a truly, meaningful action plan.

1. Thorough strategic planning: There is, almost, always, a direct relationship, between the quality, relevance, and thoroughness of the organization's strategic planning, and the successful creation, and implementation of the finest - possible, action plan! It is essential to know, and understand, thoroughly, what is needed, and necessary, and the options and alternatives, to create a quality, effective strategy, and, only, when this is done, will a viable, effective action plan, be perceived and conceived of, created, and effectively, implemented!

2. Always consider ramifications and contingencies: It is important to understand, and realize, there are, usually, ramifications of any actions taken, as well as when one resorts to procrastination! Wise leadership requires a thorough consideration of these, and preparing, in - advance, contingency planning, which can be, seamlessly, used!

3. Options and alternatives: Since, there are often, a variety of options and alternatives, choosing wisely, must be, incumbent - upon, a true leader! Consider as many aspects, as possible, with an open - mind!

4. Goals; priorities; perceptions; needs: What are the best goals, and true priorities, of your specific organization, at - present, and into - the - future, and why? How might you effectively, address constituent's perceptions, and actual needs, in a way, which brings - about, a meeting - of - the - minds, for the greater good?

5. Relevant and sustainable, instead of populist, etc: Too often, leaders are elected, based on populist, empty promises, and rhetoric, when, what is most - needed, is, thorough, relevant, and sustainable planning, and meaningful actions, taken, in a well - considered, timely manner, and using time - tested expertise, etc.

6. Timeline, with, Table of Responsibilities: Once, the best strategic planning, is thoroughly, performed, and you know, what you seek, an essential aspect of the action plan, must be, having a timeline, to examine and consider, using - metrics, what is going, as - planned, and what, needs to be tweaked! A great leader develops an inner circle of trusted advisors, and part of the planning, must be, having a table of responsibilities, with each area, led, by the right individuals, etc.

If you hope to lead, wisely, using these 6 important steps, towards creating a meaningful, action plan, is essential! Are you, up to the tasks and responsibilities?

Richard has owned businesses, been a COO, CEO, Director of Development, consultant, professionally run events, consulted to thousands of leaders, and conducted personal development seminars, for 4 decades. Rich has written three books and thousands of articles. His company, PLAN2LEAD, LLC has an informative website http://plan2lead.net and Plan2lead can also be followed on Facebook http://facebook.com/Plan2lead

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/10552605

Why Should I Change (When It's All Their Fault)?

                                         

THE PROBLEM WITH OTHER PEOPLE

The problem with other people is that they are other people. They're not you. As such you can rarely solve issues with someone else by asking them to change. Occasionally you will find a person who cares enough to mind what they're doing to you, and has the strength and self-belief to be undiminished by the idea they're not perfect, but those are rare people indeed. The rest are not your tribe.

Why Don't People Care?

We're raised with the myth that we're going to have many people in our lives that will care deeply for us, our welfare, and our mental health. The reality I've discovered is that if you can count those people on the fingers of one hand you're very lucky.

Yes, there are some wonderful families out there, but stop and think about how many families you know where there are tensions, arguments, and sometimes outright war and not speaking to each other until hell freezes over, or later.

There are also amazing friends who get who you are and understand that you're going to make mistakes as a bona-fide human. They are the friends who will tell you what you've done openly and respectfully, explain why it bothers them, and together you come to an agreement to make the relationship work.

This type of friend will not discuss their issues with you, with anyone but you, or cut you out when you make mistakes without giving you a clue why.

Humans are afraid of speaking their own truth, and few have that strong inner sense of self that allows them to do so without being unkind and offensive. Meet one of these people and you'll have a wonderful, lasting, friendship. Just never let them go because you're entirely blessed.

Sadly though love is an emotion that humans can struggle with, particularly if we're asked to 'love' too many people. We can easily like and appreciate any number of people, but I'm sure you'll agree that the deep love that says you'd walk over hot coals with recently manicured toenails, is a rare beast indeed.

It isn't that people are unkind or bad, it's simply that we're raised with faulty expectations of what the world has to deliver to us. Learn to understand how special real love is, and when you have that in your life, and a world of hurt will go away, replaced by realistic expectations that not everyone you meet will love you, has to love you, nor do they need to love you. Nor do you need them to love you.

WHERE DOES THAT LEAVE US?

Often hurting far too badly over far too many people who in truth are just passing strangers with whom you have a brief connection. It's up to you to choose those strangers wisely, and not to try to fit them into your forever category when they don't fit. Most importantly:

To understand when YOU genuinely want to make them forever, instead of assuming that they should be.

It IS All About You

You must decide who you want in your life and why, how you wish to be treated, and be ready to draw the line if the treatment you're receiving doesn't match up to what you believe you deserve.

If this is to be successful you will need to be scrupulously honest with yourself as to how you feel about the people you mix with. Feeling that you should like them when in fact they make you uncomfortable is never going to work. This is all based on the 'if they changed/if only they were different' fallacy.

If you don't like them as they are then you shouldn't ask them to change. Who has that right?

Of course as friends and couples we can grow together in understanding, and we should moderate our behaviour to support each other, that's a given. But if from the outset you're finding more minuses than pluses, or find you're nitpicking their every word, move, habit, decision, then you don't like them enough to have them in your life.

That's not wrong, it's just the way it is. Attach no blame to either of you and go and find people who don't make you scream out for change, even if you don't understand them 100% of the time. I don't understand me 100% of the time, do you?

This is the 'only human' clause in operation, and that boils down to one big thing that we need to exercise in life (apart from our abs and glutes)...

Personal Responsibility

You are literally the only person in your life. Everyone else is peripheral to you. The only person who can make the changes you need to make so that you are happy is you. This is why it's all down to you and always will be.

Not because you're bad. Not because you're unlovable. Not because you're too picky. Possibly because you're not sufficiently picky. It's down to you because only you can set the tone of your life, the nature of your life, how you want to feel about yourself and your life, and only you have the power to be effective in the protection, nurturing, and development of you.

Of course we're all frightened of being lonely if we can't find people to like and love us, but anyone who has been hurt will tell you that a relationship that hurts you is far more dangerous. This is partly because it fills the space the 'right' people should be taking up, and in trying to make the 'wrong' right, we're wasting our energy to go out and find the right people.

THE WHY IS

Because you'll be miserable if you keep giving the power for your happiness away to others, and you will be happy if you learn to be discerning without judgement.

Three tips:

• Respect how you feel even if you don't understand it.
• Don't get into wrong and right. You wouldn't feel guilty and buy a car you aren't comfortable in, so be equally guilt-free in only embracing relationships that work for you.
• It's fairer to everyone concerned if you're ruthlessly honest with yourself about your feelings, and fairer to you if you consider yourself worth protecting, and respecting.

FINALLY

Don't fall for the myths that you must have a huge circle of people who love and like you in order to be a great human being. A few genuine, trusted, people who love you will do just as well.

Apart from that just enjoy meeting others without having an agenda. This is life, not social media, only collect real likes!

To your happiness, if you're smiling more than you frown you're getting something right.

Deb Hawken Writer - Spiritual Mentor - Public Speaker

If you're interested in joining one of my spiritual development groups, or need a reading or advice, contact details are below.

You can find my book on Amazon - Who am I, Where am I, What is this Place?: A handbook for permanent, positive, change.

Tel: +44 (0)7912 374 226 E-mail: transform@debhawken.com Website: http://www.debhawken.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/10544804

Law Of Attraction And The Unconscious Automaton

                                                 

Most people don't know this secret about the law of attraction. They don't know how it works either.

If this statement strikes you as incorrect, I'm going to tell you that the law of attraction does work. It really does. It's not a new phenomenon, but a new understanding of old principles.

The Law of attraction is a law that operates in every human being. It exists in everyone of us. The question is how does it operate. In order to really understand or explain the law of attraction you have to learn how it operates in all of us. in line with our predominant thoughts. Our autopilot continually compares its stored experience with the images it sees in our mind. If the two differ, it brings more of the same, like images. If they match, it brings more of the opposite.

The autopilot doesn't see the contrast. It only compares the images, whether they are bigger or smaller than expected. It follows the trend toward the mean. It averages the data and gives us more of what we've been expecting. Our autopilot then brings back more of the same, and expectations which are in line with the pictures we've been holding in our mind. And the law of attraction does go along with us. It's only going according to our patterns of thought. The autopilot is the only autopilot. Other autopilots don't work this way. It's the only autopilot. It's the one that does its work without us even being aware of it doing it, like a giant vacuum cleaner that goes along happily along sucking up dust from all directions, without making a peep. The only autopilot that works is the autopilot that is doing its work without complaining.

I would suggest that this is the single most important aspect for our success in using the law of attraction, and one of the most important aspects for our success in manifesting using the law of attraction. Because if we are expecting disappointment, we will feel it, even if we don't recognize ourselves feeling it. And if we are not willing to accept lack, then we won't be able to manifest anything that comes our way. But if we can accept our lack, and be kind to ourselves about it, we can do our best to make a go of it, and we can do it in a way that doesn't destroy our self esteem, our ability to create, our hopes for the future, our finances, and our lives.

Find more about ninja thoughts at The Honey DARE

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/10528794

Be CAREFUL What You Wish For, Because You Might Get It!

                                     

Always, be CAREFUL, and fully - consider, what you wish for, because, you might get/ achieve it, and might not like the results, ramifications, etc! After, over four decades of giving hundreds of personal development/ self - help, seminars, training programs, and meeting, etc, I have come to realize, it is essential to make one's decisions and plans, wisely, and carefully, based on what's best for you, your goals, and personal aspirations, instead of, what others might want or desire! Unfortunately, since, doing so, often, takes much more time, effort, endurance, persistence, commitment, etc, and means, expanding the self - imposed limitations of your personal comfort zone, and proceeding, demanding your utmost degree fo personal excellence, instead of merely, settling for, merely, good - enough, many people opt - for, what they believe to be, a path, of least resistance, instead! With, that in mind, this article will attempt to, briefly, consider, examine, review, and discuss, using the mnemonic approach, what this means and represents, and why it matters.

1. Character; comfort zone; consider; complete; compelling: Start the objective, introspective, thought - process, by performing a thorough, check - up, from the neck - up, in order to determine, your true, quality of character! Take a complete - look, and do not let your comfort zone, get in the way, of well - considered, timely actions, etc! How compelling, inspiring, and personally, motivating, are your wishes, to your fulfillment, etc?

2. Attitude; attention; aspects; actions: Proceed, consistently, with a true, realistic, positive, can - do, attitude, paying, keen attention to all the relevant aspects! Be prepared to take personally - wise actions, sooner, rather than later!

3. Ramifications; responsive/ responsible; realistic; rationale: Why do you have your rationale, and reasoning? How responsive is it, to your happiness, and is it responsible, because it considers, potential ramifications, and contingencies? Avoid mistaking, a positive attitude, with, wearing, rose - colored glasses, and be realistic, but positive, in your goals, etc!

4. Excellence; enrich; efforts: Avoid believing, the same - old, same - old, is the best way, forward, but, rather, consistently, demand your utmost degree of genuine, personal excellence. How would your efforts, enrich your existence, in the present, and in the longer - run?

5. Future; faithful; face facts; fate: Be faithful to the highest quality, principles, and face the facts, to ensure your finest future! In most cases, your fate, is, up - to - you!

6. Usual/ unusual; useful; unique; urgent: Fully consider, both the usual, as well as unusual, possibilities, and determine, the most useful way, to proceed! What seems most urgent, and why? What are your unique attributes, aspects, needs, goals, priorities, perceptions, wishes, and desires, and why?

7. Listen/ learn/ lessons; leading: Effectively, listen and learn, from every conversation, and experience, and become the best - you - can - be! These lessons, will determine, whether you are leading yourself, towards the best paths, or if the are better, viable options, and solutions!

Wishing for the best, is great, but only makes a true difference, when/ if, you are CAREFUL, what you hope for! It's up to you, to either, become your best friend, or worst enemy!

Richard has owned businesses, been a COO, CEO, Director of Development, consultant, professionally run events, consulted to thousands, and conducted personal development seminars, for 4 decades. Rich has written three books and thousands of articles. His company, PLAN2LEAD, LLC has an informative website http://plan2lead.net and Plan2lead can also be followed on Facebook http://facebook.com/Plan2lead

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/10552584

Benefits of Reading - A Look at 7 Effective Points!

                                                             

In as much as reading is a quintessential aspect of life, it's sad to note that many people have given reading a wide berth. This culture has become deeply entrenched so much so that people seem to believe that the best place to hide something is in a book. Reading books can actually become a great habit if people understood and appreciated the wondrous benefits that come with reading. Reading is a habit that needs to be inculcated from a young age. Children need to understand that reading is essential and therefore take up the habit early in life. What are the great benefits of reading? Why is it so important for adults and children alike to develop a culture of reading?

• Reading serves to build great vocabularies

It goes without saying that the only effective way of building your vocabulary is by simply reading and amassing as much knowledge as possible. Building vocabularies in children or adults can easily be achieved if people took to the culture of reading. You get to understand how various vocabularies can be used in a sentence and by so doing amass as much knowledge as possible.

• Improves your spelling

If you have problems with spelling, then the most effective way of getting help with that is by reading regularly. Reading exposes you to how you are supposed to spell various words and also how to use them. If you find yourself bogged by the spelling of certain words, then its advised that you read widely so as to get a clear understanding of how various words are spelled correctly.

• Keeps your mind fresh and sharp

This is probably one of the most important benefits of reading. Amazing knowledge and being current with information requires that you read widely. Reading serves to keep your mind fresh and sharp. It's a good way of grasping and understanding various concepts that concerns different fields.

• Great learning tool

A popular adage holds that if you think education is expensive, try ignorance. This mantra is true in every aspect and the reason why each and every single one of us should take up the culture of reading. Reading serves to educate and impart us with knowledge which we hitherto knew nothing about. It's a great way of learning and staying abreast with issues that are happening across the globe.

• Great stress reliever and relaxer

Believe it or not, reading is actually a great way through which you can relieve stress and even relax during your spare or leisure time. It serves to help you forget about whatever it is that you are going through and simply relax as you immerse yourself fully into the acquisition of knowledge.

• sets a great example for the kids

In order to effectively inculcate the culture of reading in the kids, you need to first lead by example. You cannot tell your children the importance of reading if you yourself find it difficult to read. It's therefore important that you read regularly and set a good example for your kid.

• Strengthens bonds with others

Setting up a book club where you read with friends is an effective way of bonding and having a great time.

In essence, the benefits of reading are many and open up a world of opportunities to not only children but also adults. It's therefore of paramount importance that we inculcate a reading culture in our day to day lives.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7535248